We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
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