so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
