Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
