ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
