textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
