don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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