what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
