guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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