ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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