in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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