You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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