He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
