my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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