He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
