Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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