we have officially lost it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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