you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
