This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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