One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
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waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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