You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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