This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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