I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
