I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
