My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
