So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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