The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
