I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
