the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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