Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
