I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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