At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
