I skipped work to stalk him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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