Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
