Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
