My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
