I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
