not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
