I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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