I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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