are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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