I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
