just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
