I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
