if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
