OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
