Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
