Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you had me at cake vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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