shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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