apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
