There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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