So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
