I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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