and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
