do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything