Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away