I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever