i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.