Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever