i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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