got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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