Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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