I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I touched a dick in church today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
