dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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