I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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